The Mothers' Story Project: A Mothers' Story

I was 17 and "in love". I kept getting sick and the doctor treated me for ulcers. Finally, one night, I was so sick that my mother took me to emergency. The doctor on call came in and told my mother and I that I was pregnant. At least I didn't have to tell her, but I still feel it was rather cruel. At any rate, my mom and I went home and told my dad. He was furious, not with me, but with the boy. He wanted to kill him. My mom intervened and we wound up having a meeting with his parents. We came back from the meeting and my mother said that under no circumstances would I marry the boy. 

My mother had been very ill that year and had been in the hospital four times. Thus, even though there was insurance, there were many bills to pay. Therefore, we just did not have the money for that extra little person. So we all thought. The doctor and lawyer were rude to me and told my mom and dad I'd do it again. They made it sound like I was a bad girl. My mom was very upset with both of them as she did not feel that way. At any rate, my baby girl was put up for adoption because of the times and lack of money. I think if I had just pushed a little harder, my parents would have found a way financally, but we had all been brain washed to believe we were doing the right thing.

Life went on. I started dating my husband six months after my baby was born. We were married two years later. Occassionaly I'd stop and think, well, my daughter would be x. I had a beautiful baby boy in 1977 whom I was able to raise and has now blessed me with two beautiful granddaughters, not to mention a wonderful daughter-in-law. My life has been blessed except for wondering where my daughter might be.

Jump to August, 2006. I joined a wonderful group called First Mothers Reunited (FMR). They were so helpful in that they gave me ideas on who to contact to help me find my daughter. It all happened so quickly once I made up my mind. I emailed a search angel in Los Angeles. She emailed me back asking some questions. After my reply, she emailed me again asking for the baby's father (I had told Los Angeles County-even though I lived in Orange County, the adoption was done in Los Angeles County-the father's name). Within a few minutes she emailed me back that she thought she had found the original birth certificate. But, it needed to be confirmed with another search angel who would charge a small fee. The fee wound up being $75 to cover expenses LA County wanted. Within a day after I made the payment I got the information on my daughter. I was so chicken to email or call her that my search angel offered to contact her. My search angel was a adoptee and was able to convince my wonderful daughter to give me a try. She did. And we have been in reunion for almost two years now. She has four beautiful children. We contact only by email, but I feel grateful for that contact.

My daughter was raised as the third of four children all adopted. They are a close knit family. My daughter is starting to open up to me and I feel blessed that she was raised by loving people. She is Mormon, I would not have necessarily chosen that religion, but, since she appears to be loving, kind, generous and caring, I can only say she was raised the way I would have wanted her to be raised. Yes, I and my daughter were two of the lucky ones.

I would love to see children kept with their families even if it is an aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc. I think that more money should go to mothers in need or to the kinship that take the child, so the child is raised knowing who their parents are. I believe that at any rate, if the child is raised by kinship or strangers to the family, that child should be raised knowing their heritage and should NOT be adopted, but be under guardianship. Only in extreme circumstances should a child go to a stranger, again, NO adoption, but guardanship. The parents should be involved if possible.