The Mothers' Story Project: A Mothers' Story

My first son’s father, Mike, was in Thailand where he was stationed while in the Air Force in 1969-1970. We met and dated over the summer of 1969. Mike was stationed at McConnel Air Force that summer and I was on my parent’s dairy and wheat farm after my freshman year at KU. Before he went overseas, Mike took me to Chicago to meet his family. We went to the Chicago zoo and we vacationed in the Wisconsin Dells. I was not feeling well during this trip and did not realize I was already pregnant. We wrote long letters over the next several months while he was in Thailand. Our son was born on April 3, 1970 and adopted 4 days later. I was not allowed to see or hold my infant son. I was in shock for a long time after giving birth. I should never have been asked to sign legal adoption relinquishment papers so soon. 

I wrote Mike in Thailand in December, 1969 that I was pregnant. He wrote back that he didn’t mind packaged deals, he would get me a car, and I could live with his parents and have the baby on the base. Instead my father picked me up from my dorm at the end of the fall semester. I was hidden away for the remaining 4 months on our family farm. Mike called me at my parent’s home while he was stateside on a furlough but after our son was born and adopted. I could not tell him about the adoption-I was overcome with grief. This grief would go unresolved for the next 35 years and continues in one aspect or another even today. It was a closed adoption back then. I was coerced into secrecy and into relinquishing our son by the Lutheran Social Services in Wichita, KS. The adoption agency did not offer me any support or legal counsel. The adoption was to remain my secret, my scarlet letter. I was to go on with my life as though nothing had happened. I was told I was doing what was best for my baby by giving him a father and a mother to raise him. But my baby, my first son was never a gift. I did not choose adoption since there was only this one choice presented to me. My first son really never had a long term, loving father since his mother divorced twice. His natural father, Mike, has currently chosen to not pursue a relationship further than an initial denial and then a very reluctant acknowledgment. I was not told or reminded that I could contact my son when he turned 18 yrs. old. I instead kept waiting for my son to find me. My son said he had tried to find me earlier but must not have had support he needed to do so. If only Mike had made it back from Viet Nam a month earlier I would have been allowed to raise our son.