The Mothers' Story Project: A Mothers Story

I moved to Texas when I was six months pregnant. My dad, step mother and Texas child services did not think a 15-year-old girl should be raising a child. My daughter's father was having a hard time with the idea of becoming a father so when he was told by my parents to sign away his rights because I didn't want him to have anything to do with my child, he did, thinking it was what I wanted. Child services fed me lies while my parents made things up to them. I wasn't even allowed to be a part of their closed door court hearing. I had my daughter for 5 days and they took her right out of my arms. My parents kicked me out and sent me back to Louisiana to live with my mother. Texas child services was suppose to set me up with a local case worker but didn't, Louisiana would not even touch the case without Texas bringing it to them. I completed all they asked but because I didn't do it through them it didn't matter. My Texas case worker said I had to sign away my rights or I would never see my child again so I did. She was 6 months old. I stared into her pretty blue eyes and said I love and I will see you soon. That was 11 years ago. Eight years went by and my parents wouldn't let me see her, and then I did. She looked just like me. We got along great and she is so happy. Her parents were wonderful. We kept in touch for two years. I saw her 3 times. Then when my daughter's birth father and I got married they stopped contacting me all together. My life was a mess, and there is not a day that goes by that I still don't cry. I never wanted to give my child up for adoption, but I had no other choice. It was that or never see her again. First off, the child services system is unbelievably flawed. Unless a child is in danger they should not step in because of age. If there is an open adoption it should be just that - open. The adoptive parents shouldn't be allowed to cut contact with the birth parents just because they feel like it. Since I have seen my daughter for the first time I was finally able to start to get my life together again. If my friends have children I fade them out of life because I can't handle the sadness that takes over me. Her father and I have not had any more children, and now that we have thought about maybe trying again we found out that for me it next to impossible, and the only child we have they took.

How am I suppose to live with that? How am I suppose to forgive my parents?